Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
