happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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