She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
