Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize