the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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