Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
