It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
