im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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