I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
