In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
whose ass print is on the piano?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
