WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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