just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Redeem this text for a blowjob
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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