was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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