ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
