You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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