Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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