My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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