OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
