My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
