Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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