I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you had me at cake vodka
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
