I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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