this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
