What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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