It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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