Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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