I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
