So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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