12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
