you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
