I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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