Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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