I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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