I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Do vagina's smell?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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