Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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