no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
