i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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