He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
