My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
