And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
did i walk over a car last night?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
