i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
