I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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