I heard we made out
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
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I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
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he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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