The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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