I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
