Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
