he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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