Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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