East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
