I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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