Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You're like the curious george of whores
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
