I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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