Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
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He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
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Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!