That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
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i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.