i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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