yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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