I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
