I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize