I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
