it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
