I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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