i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
