i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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