I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
false alarm, still single
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
